Shift Gear out of USA

I believe the day of judgement has passed. And I am most likely will not be flying to the United States of America. The reason behind the results is not yet clear. I believe the Global Undergraduate Exchange Program trimmed downed the national grantees from 15 to 10 and they prioritized cultural minorities which is in essence the major core requirement of the program. Still, a glimmer of hope still exists because of the “unstable” nature of the final list. Some may back out or other slots of other countries are not filled.

Nevertheless this is once more a great opportunity to put character into test. Why so? Did you ever have that feeling of a sense of heaviness, a sense of sinking desperation, a sense of dread when something you highly hope for seems to fade away every tick of the clock? When I got word that one of my fellow nominees got their ultimate call around morning, I waited and waited for mine to ring as well. There is always that sense of great optimism that any second now my phone will ring. But when the clock seems to skid longer, it came into me that “hey, maybe it is not for you”. It is in that moment when a tug of war happened inside me. I was getting pulled by the impending reality of not getting it and the other force saying just wait and see. When I got word that only 4 made it in Mindanao and at that moment I knew 3 nominees were already contacted, the beating of my heart seemed to increase. And suddenly, an hour before lunch time, I got a text message saying that another nominee from Zamboanga got the call. It is final; we didn’t make it to the top 10 list. In an instant, a flashback occurred in my head. From the day of application, the day of interview, the toefl exam, the things I have to trade off, the fantasies and the plans when I return. It was quite similar to the mix of emotions during my course shift a semester ago. Absorbing this explosion of scenery in my head signalled me to move up to the next level of the interior processing which I have tired to master. A sense of indifference automatically overrode my system. I began to tame myself, my expectations and finally set my soul to a full year in Xavier University next school year. I will embrace again my mission at home. I believe it was not hard to shift gear because in the beginning of this potential journey, I already plan courses of action when it happens not as what I expect. I have an alternative plan if ever I will not get what I am hopeful about. I will be in full time service to the XU community and beyond.

In a way, I feel blessed to have gone through this feeling of great hope, deep desperation and then great freedom. I guess millions of other citizens of the world had gone through a disappointing stage in life and just rubbed it off but it is only these rare moments of dread that we can summon the values that have defined our character and prove it once more that one of the most enduring truths is that the problem in this world is not the problem itself, but how we as individuals and as humanity deals with it.

AMDG