Convenience et al v.s. Dream

It was initially uncomfortable.

Knowing that your close friends are landing into good jobs or leaving the nest for “greener pastures”, I ended up pausing and feeling a pinch of envy. A month before my graduation, I decided to defer any full-time employment opportunity to pursue a life goal; that is to be an officer of the courts – a lawyer. And of course, this requires 5 more years of rigid academic training which is clearly an understatement.

Considering that I already established and made sense of this desire, I would ask myself why do I feel this sense of discomfort. Am I not sure of my decision? It would later reveal that it is not because of indecision. It was because of taking big risks. I consider this as one because I will forgo 5 youthful years worth of potential salary and volunteer experience to a profession which only assures an average of 25% passing rate in the Bar. And for any young adult who went through economics, this is a risky leap of faith.

My story, I believe, is a common one that many young adults face. It is a case of a general theme on convenience v.s. dream; convenience which means short term and low risk while dream means long term, high risk, plus pain. When I was still in high school and mid-college, the choice would be very easy. I would choose “the dream” with all the romantic fantasies of heroism and selfless struggle in order to attain that noble goal. But now that I am in the precipice of the real world where that cloud of imagination is beginning to fade and the real picture of the intimate relationship between means and goals reveals itself, it is no longer a “world peace” answer. We have to seriously consider both.

In my case, I decided to discount convenience. I decided to defer relatively high paying corporate jobs which will definitely fund my goals and cost me an extra three or more years for a profession that I see myself doing everyday. I will dedicate HALF A DECADE of my life digging into thick voluminous law books and cases in preparation for a life mission that I believe will allow me to positively impact more lives. My friends might be driving their own cars by then and I may still be half way through my cases, but hey, this is what I decided to do. As my father said, “do what you love doing, and money (or convenience) will just follow.” And that is really the point of my sharing. Identify what you want in life, where you see yourself grow and where you see yourself positively impact the lives of people especially those who needs us most (our families and the easily marginalized). It maybe in public service, religious life, corporate life or other professions. And once you find it, pursue it with all your heart and mind with the grace of God and all will then fall into its proper place regardless of the great struggles you went through. Take the first step towards that goal and In my case, it's a step that will last for half a decade. Struggles made in the context of a purpose are not struggles at all, but easily decipherable life lessons. It is a leap of faith but this is what life is all about.

And I guess this is one indicator of pre-law school anxiety.